It’s Not My Fault is written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, both are psychologists in Clinical Psychology that actively write and talk about marriage, parenting, relationships, personal growth and career. They touch people’s heart with their excellent tips and realistic examples that one could emulate for a change. The subheading of this book is The No-Excuse Plan: To Put You In Charge Of Your Life. Hence, if you are always making up excuses for no one’s benefit except for yourself, then it’s time for you to take a lead and change for betterment.
In the opening pages, Cloud and Townsend talk about the categories of people that exist in this world of which can be simplified into two: those who get what they want and those who don’t. Winners and losers. Haves and have-nots. Although this could not be true altogether but this is a reality that happens surround us nowadays. Those who get what they want are the go getter ones. They know what they after and take a full responsibility of it. Meanwhile, those who don’t get what they want are seen as weak and easily bruised by other people or by the circumstances itself.
As the book continues through its chapter, there are tremendous tips and examples given by Cloud and Townsend on how you can change your attitude and take charge of your own life. For instance, in the chapter You Can Learn To Think Differently, it is said that our mind is not always telling us the truth! It could be a manipulation or false belief that you heard, thus, eventually led to the mischief. This actually happens when you tend to overthink the problem and consequently distort your belief in the first place.
Another interesting chapter is You Can Always Find A Choice talks about endless options that you might see when you stop giving excuses to your problem. Cloud and Townsend used to treat their patients by listening to them first and list out possible solutions afterwards. When the patient said that they had tried and done everything that they could to save their marriage or to get back their boyfriend or even to get back with their parents, Cloud and Townsend will response like “Really?, that’s it that you could do to save your marriage?”. They later will list down all possible solutions and options that make their patients went jaw dropping seeing the list since they could not find a good one. Hence, you can always find a choice no matter what.
Last but not least, I would like to share the gist from the You Can Deal With Failure chapter. Cloud and Townsend quoted from John Hersey saying, “Learning starts with failure; the first failure is the beginning of education.” It simply means no one is perfect and making mistakes is part of the life journey. No matter what happens, life goes on. So keep moving! Sometimes we fall but it’s not the end of the world. Pick yourself up and learn from your mistakes. Do not let your failure stops you from achieving your dreams. As the saying goes, “what does not kill you will only make you stronger.” Cloud and Townsend stated “the difference between the winners and those who are not winning is not that winners do not fall. They both fail but the winners see it as normal…the others get stuck…because they are incapable of handling failure.”
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